By 10pm, thread is everywhere. Small, separate strands of navy blue are stuck between the coils of the white rug. The needle is preciously perched on my bed, and the two dresses from Goodwill are no longer identifiable. In their place, I gather the fabric of what I’ve created and place it against my body. I shift one way and another in front of the mirror in my room. I wonder if this third dress, newly constructed for the world, will hold up by the end of the night.
I’m trying to notice more often the times when I feel excited. When I feel good about something that’s not just the food on the plate in front of me (though that will always be an abundant and unabashed love). Sometimes, I meet a person and know right away: Oh, I can be friends with this person.
These days, the close friends in my life are the people I met in my first year of college. I want to go back to that time--the dormitory on the west side of campus--and take note of what I felt in my body when I met each of them. How I knew.
Current society and family life did not prepare me to feel my emotions well. When Sarah Cook asks me what a yes in my body feels like, it’s this intuition with the friends I’ve made in my life that come to mind. But when it comes to other matters--such as decisions around work--I’m not so sure. I tell her I’m meditating my way to my own answers (a post for another day).
The question swims in my head for the week until I remember the nights I spent with a needle and thread in my hand. For a friend’s summer wedding, I decided I would make my own dress. I followed no template, no YouTube videos, and no instructions. It was the first time I had sewed anything that was not a hole, and it was enthralling.
I was hungry for it. There’s no other way to describe it. I tore apart the once-thrown-away dresses and rushed to begin creating something of my own. With each stitch, I grew more satisfied. After weeks of sitting on the floor, my hands held what my imagination previously did. It wasn’t what I envisioned--things rarely are--but it was better in its imperfections. It was real.
Months later, when I started work on this newsletter, ideas and images flooded my head. I started sketching the drawings that would accompany my first few posts, writing down names for titles, and outlining ideas.
I felt excited.
Before you go…
What in your life is a resounding “yes” for you? Whether that’s with people, work, places, or things, where does that excitement live in your body? What does it feel like? Look like?
Not sure what all this talk about the “body” is about? Check out some of these articles from the Los Angeles Times, YES! Magazine, and this game-changing book The Body Keeps the Score to learn more.
This is my second post inspired from a generative conversation with creativity coach Sarah Cook (read my first here). Check out Sarah’s newsletter, For the Birds, if you need more creative reflection and creativity in your life.
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